Kings Valley Keepsake

This morning I woke up gasping for oxygen with twists in my hair.
By evening, I was breathless for another reason. I cannot believe how much my heart has ached for a collie. I cannot believe how beautiful she is, how that elegant steady dog is going to be mine. It takes my breath away.

She already has a TT and an HC…three more titles and we can be a VCH. Therapy and obedience. For certain.

I am a little afraid that I will lose the story, but I think it will actually gel and clarify as I move a little away and start to capture it. The story of Watching her in Albany and thinking how calm, how downright bored she seemed. And steady. How I kept spotting Leslie in the crowd in her blue velvet suit with Lindsay beside her.

How the rain slicked the highway to Monmouth. The sign “KINGS VALLEY COLLIES” at the bottom of the road. The rain black gravel up the hill to the gate and the smell of wet trees and winter mud, the cold edges of stones, the small pieces of blue that appeared in the sky.

The echo of collies barking in the woods. The collies running the fence with muddy legs. Walking done the road where the huge tree with the bench had stood, where Mark had gone with Simon…walking down that road with Lindsay and my muck boots and feeling like I had waited so many many years for this feeling: the leather in my hand, the wide back, the full coat moving beside me…How my whole life has wrapped itself around this image…. and how this is about to become the fabric of my life. Truly a vision materializing out of the mist.

And the sharp concern watching little Sonny’s sweet face contorting n a snarl as she poked her long nose in towards him…and yet how easy her manner was. A little persistent…but manageable. And then Lindsay stretched out on the floor near me and Flynn and Sonny right there too. Seeing Mark kiss the top of her head, realizing that he too was going to fall so deeply in love with her.

drive into the valley in the morning

Tommorrow is another trip to KV to officially meet L and see how the papillons are with her and vice versa. I’m not sure how I will tell or what I will know; I just have to trust that I will know something. Flynnie will tell me. Now its’ very late, almost 2am. I have a desire for a cigarette.

I get these waves of fear that I will fall into fear, or numb depression, get overwhelmed. Think: what am I doing??? Quietly panic. Especially if it is dark and raining.
I want to plan for that . So what do I know?
Fear and doubt. Almost inevitable. When fear , if fear, laps at my shores, think: uncertainty instead. Unless something blazes DANGER! Then pay attention.

This is my vision. Here is the country in which all that I am was formed. A foggy green pasture with black trees rising out of the mist at dawn. Is it arbitrary? As likely not as yes. The mythic collie appeared in various places at various times for reasons. And always carried the same shield of gentle devotion and care for the small and weak.
Of all the moments when I have pictured doing this work, of going in to help, the picture of the collie has felt the most real. It is the one beyond language. It is the one I can experience the most clearly in my imagination.

There is always the “little” collie, if this doean;t work. We can start smaller. Or we can start smaller and stay small. The sheltie. The litter on the ground. The chance to train a puppy.

If the wave of despair hits..I can choose courage. Do not fall to paralysis. Listen for the bell. Be true to the sounds, but do not fall into that dark crevasse of no action for fear of the unknown.

Is it known or unknown? That is the question. Can you name the fear? Or is it the fear of fear?

Took M to meet Luke the EC this morning. I like him. He’s a lot of fun. When we left, M said he didn’t think the EC was right for the house or for me…the bounce, I think. The long parts that coud get caught. He is a swell dog, but admire him from here. I suppose. I just so enjoy his playfulness, his attempts to talk, his eyelashes, his eye contact. And then I got the photos that Kerrin W-C. took of the B&W litter in Ohio. Man, they’re sweet.

It’s like juggling three diamonds in the air, each with its own charms and advantages. I keep waiting for a clear path and choice forward. I suppose now it’s the dog more than the breed.

breed advantages disadvantages
collie calm, protective, gorgeous, mythical stature for me and for the work. Good source. Nice to train a bigger dog. Size: in house and with papillons. Amount of hair and shedding. Not invited to papillon affairs. MOST compelling
sheltie Best size. Beauty. Gentle, Smart. Litter with excellent bloodlines available Hair and shedding. May be flighty. Barky. Most practical
english cocker Fun. Good size. Happy all the time. Loves kids. Differnet and new temperament. Nice coat. Needs grooming. Bouncy and plays with feet. Hard to find a good one. Long ears.Active different. cheerful!!

FEBRUARY 24

This process has been so mighty intense. I have pulled in so many people along the way, maybe too many. Some nights when my mailbox is empty I imagine they are all talking to one another about how thin I have spread myself and how confused I am.
But I am not confused. After a brief flirtation with some terriers, I spun around into spaniels and the vision of the therapy work began to emerge more clearly.
I studied the English Cocker and the Field spaniel and met 2 friends there. But the cocker became so elusive, so hard to find and just meet. I’m sure I would love one.
Fidgteing over the size of the collie, I scaled down and went to check out the sheltie. It seems temperaments have improved and I was more impressed with them I thought I would be. And there I found another friend and a line who type I like very much.
Running in to LR at the breed ring and chatting, looking down at the big calm girl beside her…the idea bloomed. To walk into these corridors, not with the funny little cocker—although that has its charms and its strength—but with the dignified and steady collie, I would feel protected, I would feel ennobled and in that ennobling there is a split seed of generosity.
If she has an enormous heart and patience, I can hook up. We can go together.

And the picture is always about that ruff and the puffing of the cheeks as she takes in smells and her wide back at finger level. The pace is steady, the pace is slow enough to make our way all the way down the hall.

What hall I do not know yet. DR talked to me about the need at OHSU and at the hospice down the street. The children. The Mad. The Sorrowful.

Names have been changed. When I read this letter, I felt like a radio had gone on in my body for a moment. Just imagine...

Dear Elizabeth, Good to hear from you! I've been giving our talk a lot of thought....E & I understand your feeling about a big male. How would you feel about a 2 yr. old (just turned 2) sable rough bitch? She weighs about 50-60 lbs. You may have met her at the show, I don't remember if she was with me when we talked. In light of your request, we feel she is better suited to the work you have in mind for her than she is for showing and breeding. I have exposed her to town trips (travel, meeting people in new settings) and children (whom she loves) and recently to shows. She is TOTALLY SOLID in temperament. She is loving, outgoing, stable & bright. Because she is the daughter of our beloved Finn it would be wonderful if you would consider training her and showing her in Rally or Obedience or Performance events. Would you be interested in that? We have always valued the versatility of the breed and in our family of collies specifically so obedience titles are very meaningful to us! You have the experience to train for competition and we feel she has the intelligence and temperament and eagerness to please that competition obedience requires :) I realize that the READ program is your first priority with your collie, but we thought we'd ask you about the idea of also training and competing for obedience, rally or performance titles. Hope you don't mind my asking! Let us know if you'd like to meet her. She is special, in her prime, and we wouldn't consider letting her go to someone without the experience to appreciate her quality and potential! I know shelties are smaller, but none could be as solid in temperament nor as loving to everyone as she is! It was nice to see you again! Best Regards, collie breeders

Promise

(top) Wintercreek's Luv on the Beach at 6 months. Dam of the litter. (she is 2 now)
(bottom) BPIS Ch Coastal Wintercreek Mas Tequila. He is the sire of the puppies born Friday 16 February.
From what we can tell so far, they both have solid, confident happy tempereaments and both love people. A puppy from this litter, relentlessy socialized and supported ,could be fabulous.

Backing Off again

Long day. A day of shaking out, tossing my head and owning the rattle in my gut. That kettle drum tattering. It went off to remind me of the bell I didn’t hear at Caledon. For whatever reason, without second-guessing myself and beyond reasoning. Something was missing. Maybe, maybe maybe doesn’t matter.

I had to reabsorb the letter asking for a trial run after reading it and seeing how full of conditions and hesitations it was. B saw it as well and I think it made her hesitate, as well it should. I stepped up and claimed the rattle and bowed out.

She was sweet. She was agreeable and pretty, but a certain spark, a joke, was missing. I think she is a serious dog and that’s fine…only not for me now right. Actually I don’t really know who she is. But not mine. I am little sad about it because she is so exquisite in so many ways.

So I backed off and decided to wait and see how the Buzz litter turns out. If the pups fulfill the parents’ promise of steady joyfulness, and I can socialize a young pup like mad …then it could be fabulous. Meantime I am free as Carmie grows and maybe grows too much, or flies her flag too high too often (that tail in the air like a wolf) and becomes available.

In any case. I have to pursue the English Cocker a bit further to some kind of conclusion. And I was just not ready. Although I did wash Olivia’s vari-kennel and the bed that goes in it in preparation.

I can breath and I can wait to get excited. I can read more about therapy work and find a name. Because if this dog doesn’t, for whatever reason, turn out to be a therapy dog, I have to still cherish and adore her/him.

Halfway up the Mountain, the Fog Clears

It’s 1 in the morning. I took a piece of atavan to try and relax my jaw, and so I ‘am a little sleepy. But every time I come to the page, there is the promise of clarifying my thinking. And that keeps me up these late nights. Sitting with the ragout that steams on the table of the banquet of my mind. !!

This morning we drove up the mountain to see little Beatrix. If she’s called Trixie, at least I can call her Beatrix, until we…and I did not anticipate saying this, find a better name for her. The fog along the Columbia was thick as smoke---the St Johns bridge was invisible-- and it wasn’t until we were half way up the mountain that it cleared and we could see the blue sky.

B was busy with the other folks who had come down earlier and we were a little late so we got to sit in the pen with the puppies. Beatrixie no…. sat in Mark’s lap…very trusting, calm and she looked lovely sitting there. And then she sat with me. She is so agreeable. She seems only to want to please and not kick up a fuss. We played a little. B said she loves to play….I figure the 2 mashers in the pen with her were making it hard for her to shine her light…

I stuck out the collar to put on her and she stuck her head right in, and then we went walking up and down the driveway. She kept her delicate nose at my knee, watching…what next boss? The explosion of barking, the strange man and car at the bottom of the hill made her hesitate…but there was no freaking out…and she looked to me for reassurance.

If she will come out in bloom and be as steady as she seems, she could be fabulous. My worry is that there is a spark missing…she has a hard time with eye contact…but it may only be a matter of kicking up her confidence a bit…and I know how to do that.

M thinks she’s perfect. She’s small and mild enough to fit in with the papillons easily; she is steady and sweet and he thinks she’ll be a good therapy dog. And that almost instant trust making her a good candidate. MC of the Dalles says her small size could be a benefit to her work...making it easier for me to lift her up on a bed or a lap. She is invited up to try sheep and see if that boosts her confidence.

The consensus is to ask B for a trial run to see if she will hold up. I remember when I got Flynn JMcL held my check for like 2 months until we were all sure Flynnie was going to stay. (You’d have to pry her from my cold dead hands…. I said). And I just have to give her very chance and be honest about it. If she doesn’t work…there is the B/S litter born Friday. (Tuffe's birthday?)

Meantime, DG wrote and said that she was going to grow Miss C out because she is everything she wants. And MC wrote and said you need to try her and see if the spark is just hiding. I have a feeling it is.

I would get to name her and register it. And she needs a new name!