A Bad Night

Late Wednesday night I was reading in bed when I heard a bang bang bang on the wall. I figured it was Maudie scratching, only it went on too long and had a strange rhythm and so I got up and went over to her bed to find her in full seizure mode. Her mouth was open in a foaming grimace, her legs were running and she kept hitting her head on the wall.

I knew right away what it was. I put my hand between her head and the wall and waited, staying very calm and present. There was a strange twilight mode of creeping back to consciousness and some 3-4 minutes later, she struggled to her feet and paced around and around the house in a disoriented, driven state. When I held her still, to get some Rescue Remedy into her mouth, she cried.

I looked up dog seizures on the net. As soon as they are able to eat, it is good to give them an additive free vanilla ice cream…like Hagen Daze or Breyers. Barring that, a TBL honey and a TbL unsalted butter (for a 50 lb dog) will affect the same result, which is to suspend sugar in fat so it won’t spike and then drop in the body while it raises the blood sugar level. Luckily she was very keen on the honey mix and lapped it all up.

I’m not sure how much time passed after that. M and I sat up and watched to make sure she didn’t smash into anything; we let her out a few times and then settled back into the bedroom. She paced. I said, “Maudie go lie down now and go to sleep” and that is exactly what she did. But neither M nor I slept very soundly, scared and alert to the possibility of another.

At some point in my fitful sleep, I remembered that the day before had been heartworm day. They had gotten their pills with dinner.

We know that Maudie has the mutant MDR1 gene:

The problem is due to a mutation in the multi-drug resistance gene (MDR1). This gene encodes a protein, P-glycoprotein, that is responsible for pumping many drugs and other toxins out of the brain. Dogs with the mutant gene can not pump some drugs out of the brain as a normal dog would, which may result in abnormal neurological signs. (http://www.vetmed.wsu.edu/depts-VCPL/)

And so she was taking Interceptor rather than an ivermectin drug. I did some research and discovered that milbemycin oxime, the active ingredient in Interceptor has also been known to cause neurological episodes, only, it seems, the number of cases is lower.

Her breeder, who I talked to that next day, told me that she knows of no epileptic dogs in the pedigree, but she does know of another collie who had a bad reaction to the drug. She was shocked and upset. If it is not epilepsy, then it could be a reaction to the drug---which seems likely given the proximity of the events.

Of course I have begun a massive layman’s research project on the drugs and the diseases (heartworm and epilepsy). We have an app’t with our vet next week. In the meantime, I can administer nutritional support— enzymes, vit B6, magnesium, manganese in particular---and watch her. She has been fine since that evening.

It is a trauma to watch a seizure in someone you love. I did learn that unconsciousness ascends during the active part and that there is no pain, but the surprise and confusion and fear of it is striking and for 24 hours afterwards we were both a little wobbly.

It reminds me ---again---of the poisons we live with, the blows against our immune systems, the fragility of organic life. Years ago, when my corgi developed Cushings Disease—adrenal malfunction—I set out on a long journey of learning. What had begun, as a “lifestyle choice” in graduate school back in Massachusetts became an obsession. Nutrition, herbology, acupuncture, homeopathy.

I am not against allopathic medicine, nor am I an alternative only purist. I do believe strongly in developing mindfulness about all the ways we can support life systems in a toxic world. Once you become aware of systems theory (that life operates as a system in which every occurrence impacts every other) there is no turning back.

That mindfulness is empowering. Seems like we are about to add another branch to the library.

I don’t know if we’ll ever find out what caused it, or if she’ll have more. My hope is that this was a one-time incident related to sensitivity to the milbemycin. You can bet she won’t be getting that again…and we’re now on the hunt for safer ways to control the possibility of heartworm disease.

Sometimes when Maudie is walking in front of me, ambling really, and I can't see her face, I think she looks like a person in a gorilla suit.

I'm having a moment...you can listen if you like.

I look back on the paragraphs I wrote (below), my attempt to share a basic knowledge of what goes on in the obedience ring and it feels as if it were written from a great distance. I barely recognize the voice. Maybe it’s because I am just giving abbreviated explanations of exercises explained at great length and with much precision elsewhere (for example: http://www.spinone.com/ObedUnderstinding.htm ) and that terminology is driving the sentences…

But there is a lingering discomfort. I am reminded that truly showing up is the greatest exercise of all. In all that explanation there is no whiff of my own skin, my own experience; it is all by rote, a memorization, a recording…and as my fingers moved over the keys, my mind leaned against a wall somewhere and yawned, examining the shape of my fingernails.

Not that it’s a bad thing. It is an unavoidable moment in a string of many moments…it’s just that as I get older I more and more want to be in the precise center of my own experience, where I bump into no walls of self consciousness or doubt, where I just AM, fluent and rooted in the ground I stand on.

And I am reminded that there is perhaps no subject more fraught with the back and forth, with anxiety and pleasure, doubt and sure footedness as there is in the world of obedience.

Why? Maybe because it is there where I am called out from the dreamy volumes of imagined experience, into the arena of action. Where my deepest commitment to my desires (to truly be WITH dogs) is tested and evaluated, both by myself, my dog and by others. It is an arena of judges and teachers, of an audience and competitors filled with often toxic judgments. At times, I have been so overwhelmed by that judgment that I have forgotten what really matters…my relationship with my dog, and I have done things to gain entrance that I would not have done otherwise.

Thankfully, most of that is in the past. My teachers have been kind and simple and direct…almost Zen like in their fluidity. I have become utterly detached from the judgements of those I do not respect. And I have grown as a trainer, an observer and a friend so much I shock myself.

But that is beside the point. Back to the original feeling.

I have a question. Is it that once the knowledge of an experience truly settles into the psyche and the body it is tedious to TaLK about it….or is it that language used for anything other than rooting out other levels of experience -–“how can I know what I think until I see what I say” --feels like a numbness?

And that the act of writing, for me, has to be both an exploration of experience and fulfill a desire to connect, to share experience. And that one with out the other hobbles.

Competition Obedience

(photo: Long Down in the Novice ring)
I wanted to take a few moments and talk about our other work, competitive obedience.

(To many, obedience training, conjures up images of choke chains, coercion and the bending of wills. There is some truth to that idea; obedience as a sport was developed out of the military training dogs underwent to work overseas in WWII. And in my younger days, the majority of trainers worked under that banner: The Dog MUST Obey. There was a lot of jerking and force involved.But since that time---and in large part I believe because of feminism, ecology, and a generation who grew up watching Flipper and Lassie—he sport has undergone vast changes. Instead of coercion, we use positive reinforcement, instead of blind obedience, we enter a dance, and I haven’t used a choke chain in over 10 years.)

Mostly I want to share what it is exactly we DO in class and what it is we are preparing for.

There are 3 categories of obedience: Novice, Open and Utility. (Rally Obedience is another category) To gain a title, which will appear after the dog’s name like a PhD, or MSW…a dog must pass in three trials under three different judges.

In Novice, a dog and handler strive for a CD (Companion Dog). Novice is kind of like grades k-12 for children. The building blocks on which all other learning take place are forged here, including a love and eagerness for learning and working together.

The exercises include: Heel on Leash, Heel off Leash, Stand for Examination, Recall, and the Long Sit and Long Down.

Heel is a very specific position: the dog’s shoulder should be aligned with the handler’s left hip and dog and handler should be able to move into and out of any position without deviating from that alignment. Left and right turns, Figure eights, close pivots, and about turns make up the movement.
The leash, when on, is NEVER to be tight. Points are lost for tight leads and corrections are forbidden in the ring.

Stand for examination requires the dog be asked to stand and stay (no moving of feet) while a stranger (the judge) runs his/her hand over the dog’s body.

The recall requires the dog be left on a sit stay at one end of the ring while the handler walks to the other side and turns and faces the dog. Until the judge signals the handler to call the dog and the handler calls the dog, she must not “break her sit”. No standing, lying down or moving until she is called. When she is called she must come –the faster the better—on the FIRST command and sit closely and squarely in front of her handler. The judge will then ask for a finish and the handler will tell the dog to move from in front into heel position.

Each dog and handler performs the above exercises alone in the ring except for the judge and the stewards who serve as “posts” for the figure 8 heeling.

After each dog completes the above:

Everyone competing for a “leg” (passing score) in Novice lines up along side one side of the ring with about 4 feet between each dog and handler. The dogs are placed on a “Sit Stay”, the handlers cross the ring where they must stand with no further signals to the dogs for one minute. The dogs cannot move from their sit to go to the handler, play with the dog next to her, check out what that kid at ringside is eating until the handlers are asked to return to their dogs, take up heel position and the judge announces the exercise finished.

The long down is the same, only lasts 3 minutes. If the dog moves from position at any point after the handler has said stay, until he handler releases the dog, in wither the long sit or long down, the dog will not pass.

In Open, we are competing for a CDX (Companion Dog Excellent) and I’d liken Open to undergraduate school, or college. The dog is required to do all a Novice dog does, only all heeling is done off leash, the long sit is 3 minutes, the long Down, 5 AND the handlers MUST leave the room for the duration. In addition the recall has grown to include being sent from the handler’s side to retrieve a dumbbell over a jump (out and back), to drop into a down in the middle of coming back to the handler when asked, and then to continue to front when asked. Open requires the dog to do more at a distance from the handler.

The third level is Utility, and the coveted title is a UD (Utility Dog). The average number of trials a dog and handler enter in their quest for the 3 passing scores (or legs) that will confer the UD is 26. That means on average, 23 times the team will not qualify. It’s hard work!
More on Utility later.


All the papillons in our house have their CD title and are training for Open and Utility. Maudie and I are getting ready to get her CD.

The Library

Tuesday night we were knee deep in kids anxious to sit with Maudie and read. We got in a minute or so late---there was panic in the kitchen at home about getting the top on the thermos of tea I was taking properly screwed on---and there were already three children waiting. I was tired and feeling poorly, but very happy to be there.

First up was E, a boy whose affection for Maudie is large and with whom she shares a genuine rapport. He hurried through his books, skidding over his difficulty and lisp and I was sorry we had only one slot. So far he has been the only one who wanted to sit on the floor with her; the physical closeness seemed important, and he was also the most intent on sharing his book with her.

M, the girl who followed had also signed up when we were last there; she is a striking child, there is something so old about her; her features are adult like yet tiny; she sparkles and tinkles, yet there is an odd heaviness in her mother’s face that I feel just under M’s music…

Two sisters came next; they sat with their father at a table nearby an hour before their turn, picking out their books and practicing. They were a little shy, but guileless and I had to keep from laughing as the younger one had picked out a book on obesity in dogs. There were entire paragraphs about veterinary insurance and research, lists of the ill effects and diseases associated with obesity and I think she understood maybe 1/16 of what she was reading.

It’s odd. Clearly the children want very much to sit with us, to interact with Maudie, but as soon as they open their books and start to read, their attention is wholly on the reading. Occasionally, they will reach down a hand, or show her a picture, or check to see if she’s listening, but they take their books quite seriously.

I’d be very interested to know what really draws them in, makes them want to come and sit with us---a stranger and her dog---and read with such intensity. I suppose that as we go on, the thousand petals of this experience will open and I will learn more.

Meantime, we are waiting to find out when we can start in the after school program at a local elementary school. I particularly like the idea of intensifying and speeding up the process; instead of 15 minutes once a month with an ever changing line of kids, we will meet once a week with a small group of the same kids…relationships will be forged and I suspect the impact of Maudie’s good will and appeal will be stronger.

I am having a wonderful time sitting with the kids and my warm, kind collie. I watch her grow more and more at ease as her confidence around, and pleasure in, the children increases. And the kind of working relationship we develop is so different from the one we forge in obedience, where I am the teacher and the director. Here we come as a team; my job is to support and help her focus and then sit back and watch her work her magic.

Working in obedience has helped her grow more confident in all she does. E says that now that she knows what is expected of her, she is relaxing into her new life and her sense of her own ability is growing.

It’s quite a caper, this, rich with surprise and connection and pleasure.

I had planned to take Maudie and drive down to Albany this morning for the show. Another KV collie is showing in Utility, and I want to meet more people showing collies in performance events. We also could have visited w/LR….

But on our walk last night…damp and dark…I found myself struggling up the hill and then a little clawing started in my throat. By the time I went to bed, my lungs felt fragile, you know, when every breath that expands them sends you coughing…
I could just spit. If I get this virus again…..

So I’m going to try and head this off…stay very warm, hydrated and anti-oxidant-ed. This is finals week, next week is spring break and I had a plan to ride every day.

Under a gloomy sky, in our little green room, papillons piled on the quilt and snoring, Maudie sighing her deep contented sigh…we find ourselves here again. I have plenty to read, excellent company and good toast bread. M is in the studio framing paintings, so the birds have company.
It could be worse.

Back

We’re finally getting back into the world. Out of bed and into our boots. Monday we’ll go back to Ellie’s and yesterday we worked in the library.

Two of the kids didn’t show up, but as we waited, several others came over and asked to meet Maudie. One was a young boy who was so charmed that he kept finding reasons to come back and talk to Maudie, and Maudie clearly liked him, offering her paw and sitting close to him. His mom signed him up for our next library day.

A gaggle of girls came too. They told me all about their dogs while they twirled Maudie’s hair and exclaimed over the length of her “snout.” They too signed up to read to her.

Best of all, our friend T came back with her mom and baby sister. She is only in kindergarten, but reads up a storm. In 20 minutes she read 6 books. Maudie either sat next to her, or settled down by her chair, prompting her to say that it was obvious that Maudie really liked being read to. I love that.

I already feel attached to T and because of her, feel more committed to continue working at that branch, even though we are also going to work once a week in an after school program. The thought of disappointing T is just untenable to me…but I suppose I should keep in mind that it’s just as likely that she could stop coming, or sign up for the days when the poodle is there. Boundaries?

I was very proud of Maudie. Even when a group of kids surrounded her, she was calm and seemed to enjoy the attention. She sat in front of kids who dropped to their knees to see her and shook hands a thousand times, which delighted them.

She’s funny. I can see her scanning the room and counting all the people who have yet to introduce themselves. And I think she also looks for familiar faces. It will be interesting to see how she responds to kids who become regulars.

It will be a busy spring. We’re signed on for more work, and I have a show to get ready for in August. I also want to get back on the bike; I really miss riding.

But if I ever feel overwhelmed, I’ll just remember some of those dark hours lying in bed wondering why in the world I was even in the world. And I will be grateful for the company of my dog and the good work we can do.